The plan!

"We come unbidden into this life, and if we are lucky we find a purpose beyond starvation, misery, and early death which, lest we forget, is the common lot. I grew up and I found my purpose and it was to become a physician. My intent wasn't to save the world as much as to heal myself. Few doctors will admit this, certainly not young ones, but subconsciously, in entering the profession, we must believe that ministering to others will heal our woundedness. And it can. but it can also deepen the wound."

Abraham Verghese

I found this and it carried a great meaning for me. Surviving in a world that is growing too fast for me is a struggle I face deep within. This entire week I attended sessions of what I can only describe as being a "warning" of what lies ahead. Under this facade of smiling faces I see people much like me with the same anxiousness and the same fright.

I can safely say that most chose this career, if not for better satisfaction to their parents, to satisfy one self. Is it the pride that comes with being a doctor? Or the satisfaction of a perceived previledged future? The most popular answer would be "to help people". I thought long and hard about my answer. I came to an understanding that unless I face a situation where I truly understand the value of my work, I wouldn't answer that. 

I don't know what it will be like to save someone. I recon it will feel great. But I'm more afraid of having the responsibility of ones life. Just a few days ago, a doctor at one of the sessions I attended said something that stuck with me; "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail". 

I'll do what I do, hold on tight and pretend it's a plan!